WWSBD?

Whenever I get into a pickle, I alwayas ask myself, WWSBD? That is, What would Scott Bakula do? That's right, the Scott Bakula. The one from Quantum Leap (I refuse to aknowledge Enterprise as ever having existed). The greatest and most handsome actor alive. And, according to some, he's quite sexy. Perhaps the sexiest man alive. The man by which all other men are judged. I don't go that far; I'm not crazy. But what I do know is Scott Bakula is a smart, sincere, goddamn boyscout. Who else to turn to when you get in a jam? Jesus? Don't make me laugh.
Now, the other day, while walking home, some guy jumped out of the bushes with a gun. He demanded all my money, and when I explained that I had just spent all my money on the new Bill Shatner cd, he demanded that instead. Naturally, I didn't want to part with it, so I thought... WWSBD? It hit me; talk calmly and rationally to the perp, and use reverse psychology. Using small words, just like the Bakster, I told the man that he really didn't want my brand new cd, and he surely didn't want to steal it. Didn't he want to be a productive member of society, like everyone else, I asked him. The guy thought about, mumbled smething about nuts, and walked away. Score one for SB!
Whenever Kahn starts in on me about how dirty the house is, I give him the typical Scott Bakula "boy do I pity you" look. I calmly, and in only a slightly patronizing tone, explain to him that housework is a joint effort. That we both need to work to keep the house clean. With just a little cajoling, I had him taking out the trash, cleaning out the gutters, and washing my unmentionables. Sure, my bras were ruined, but I still think good was accomplished in the end. Scott Bakula wins again.
When it comes to romance, no one beats Scott Bakula. No one, except Michael Caine, even comes close. When a guy asks me out, before answering, I ask myself that age old question. I think, will he read poetry, like Scott Bakula? Will he open my doors, throw his coat down over a puddle, defend my honor, like Scott Bakula? Will he suggest a chaperone for our date? Does he have a hot body like Scott Bakula? If the answer to any of these questions is no, than the date is a no. Now, I know no man can hold a candle to Scott Bakula, but I'd like my potential beau to be as close to Scott Bakula perfection as possible.
I could go on and on why Scott Bakula is the ultimate in calming influences. Sit back, and contemplate Scott Bakula for even just a little bit, and you too will be infected with Bakulitis. It's really only a matter of time before someone starts selling crap with WWSBD all over it. Maybe that's how I will make my fortune, speading the Bakula word, and cashing in on his name. No, no. I know Scott Bakula would never approve of that. He'd probably want a percentage of the profits anyway.