American Presidential

I am not a political person. I don't watch Fox News to find out the latest breaking news on what Condoleeza Rice is wearing. I thought the whole events of 9/11 were tragic, but after a few days of hearing about it, I was done. It's not that I don't care. I know our country is a shithole. I know we have a crappy president who somehow managed to get elected, and then re-elected. I also know that it's only a few more years until he's out, and some other crappy president is in. That's just how things work. Things'll never change. Or will they?
What we need is a leader that the country actually has a hand in picking. I know, you've all heard me say democracy doesn't work, but let's pretend for a minute it does. What I am proposing is for the people to pick a leader, the only way they know how: internet voting. That's right, internet voting. All kinds of important issues are settled online: beauty queens, Roe v. Wade, who looked best at the Oscars. Why not the leader of the "free" world? It'll be the one true way for all you lowly americans to be heard. So, come on! Join the fun! Nominate your next presidential candidate! You all know the rules, right? Oh, come on people! Think back to high school history class. Oh, Fine.

AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL

Rules for playing:
1. You must be 35 years of age or older
2. You must be a natural born U.S. citizen
3. You must have resided in the U.S. for 14 years
4. For our purposes, you must be living (no John Lennon or Joseph Stalin nominations)
5. Religion is NOT an issue
6. Any race, gender, or sexual orientation is acceptable
7. The top vote getters will do battle American Gladiator style for their spot on the ballot in 2008
8. No purchase necessary to enter. Void in Utah.

Come on folks! Let's have some good clean election fun!! And who knows, we may end up with a damn good president. Just imagine what the country would be like if Robert Downey Jr were in charge. Or Oprah. Or Bill O'Reilly. Oh, the possibilities are endless! At least it couldn't get any worse.